It’s Been a Long Time – with good reason

I know, it’s been SUCH a long time – the whole summer, apparently as I log in and check out the date of my last post.  I apologize for my absence but it’s been one HUGE roller coaster of a summer for this house!  In the midst of the tornadoes stands Colton – the nucleus of every ounce of stress for the rest of us.

If I were to go into every detail I’d end up writing pages so I’m going to try to condense this the best way that I can so I don’t bore you all.  My last post was related to my daughter’s high school graduation – shortly after that her and her boyfriend broke up (that’s a whole other post – dealing with broken hearts).  Not too long after that, the girls and I decided to take a vacation to PEI because they wanted to go over there for the Cavendish Music Festival.  The morning we were leaving, Allison was looking for something – when I asked her what she was looking for she told me the graduation necklace I gave her for graduation.  She said she showered the other day and took it off, but when she went back to get it it was gone.  In the same breath she told me she saw Colton taking something out of my purse the other night!

I must admit, I died a little inside.  He had asked me a few days before that if I had any money – I told him no, just some change for his father to use for parking at the hospital.  The day after Allison saw him with his hand in my purse, I went to get that change for John and it was gone.  I thought I was just being old and my memory was going, but I was certain I had a loonie and a toonie for him.  I ended up giving him 2 loonies and some quarters (sad, I know, but I don’t carry much money around – and for good reason!).  Eventually, he confessed to getting caught with his hands in my purse – even after his mother defended him and told John that Allison was making it up and I was lying.

That set the mood for our vacation to PEI.  My mind was consumed with anger, upset, disappointment and consequences of what I had just found out.  For the girls, I tried to have a great time and tried to put the issue behind me.  I did call John when I got there and told him Colton had to go.  I could no longer trust him in the house.  It was a fight, but John agreed we’d talk about it when I got back.  That talk eventually turned into fights, denials, and me leaving for a night.  It was horrible, but as I was gone, I dug deep into my thoughts and realized John and I spent way too many emotions and too much money into this relationship that we have created and I wasn’t ready to let a seventeen year old ruin it.  I understood John’s commitment to his son, but I also had a commitment to my girls.  I couldn’t raise them in this – having to lock their bedrooms, and walking around on eggshells because Colton was angry with Allison – she was uncomfortable.  They wanted him gone too – they just wanted their lives back, peacefully.

I sat with John and told him to promise me Colton won’t be left in this house alone, and he’s to be gone when he turns 18 (in 7 months).  He even told me to write it down and he’d sign it.  I also told him I was done raising his kid – no more doing his laundry, cooking for him, or taking him where he needs to go.  I was done.  I bent over backwards for that kid for 8 months only to be slapped in the face – even from his mother – not one thank you!  Everyone was mad at me and I had done nothing but good things for that child.  So, I let his room consume him, his clothes pile high, and he barely ate at home – actually, he was barely here at all.  John could feel the tension and he knew how uncomfortable we all were.  I made him stay awake until Colton came home at night, I made him take over the parenting – I took care of my own children – for me, Colton was no longer part of my family.

Then one day all hell broke loose!  It was 7am and John got up to get ready for work like he always does.  Colton had come home late the night before – 12:45am – and went to bed.  He was suppose to get up and go job hunting and he told his father he set his alarm for 9am.  I told John, ‘no, you can get him up at 7am and get him out the door’.  I wanted nothing to do with getting that child up.  Colton had been up at 4:30am to the bathroom and then he was up at 7am when his father got out of the shower.  John thought it was kind of weird for him to be up so early, and dressed.  My first thoughts were, ‘he’s on the coke or oxy’s’.  John went barreling down the stairs to Colton’s room and all I heard was yelling and screaming.  I sat up slightly and John opened the bedroom door – “you will never guess what I found down there” – I’m thinking cocaine.  Nope, ‘that little slut!’ – yup, Colton snuck in his girlfriend, Tanya through the basement window and John found her there.  Colton was mad because John “had no right to go to” his room.  Can you believe that??  So, she went flying out the door and Colton went quickly behind her.

I immediately got on the phone with Tanya’s mother and told her the events of the early morning.  She seemed shocked enough but I don’t think much will come out of that conversation.  I told John before he leaves to make sure Colton doesn’t make his way back into the house because his violence and anger frightens me.  John left for work and guess who comes back?  I was actually on the phone with John and Colton comes up the stairs with some clothes (we later find out he took his bong and skateboard – priorities!), he yelled at me for talking to Tanya’s mother, left the house but not without breaking the patio post lights – three of them went flying across the yard in pieces!  I’m glad John heard it all because I told him on the phone, if he let’s that child come back here to live, the girls and I would be leaving … for good …

Well, it took a month before we packed and moved the last of Colton’s stuff from the basement – and it took me that long to feel relieved.  I wasn’t going to be comfortable until his stuff was gone.  His mother complained she had no room for him, but John was emotionally exhausted after having to deal with all of Colton’s bullshit – I dealt with a lot of it over the last 8 months and it only took John one to realize just what I was dealing with.  Colton had no respect for us and our home.  I don’t think we’re the only ones who feel the same because shortly after he moved back in with his mother, her boyfriend left.  Apparently they’re still ‘dating’ but he no longer lives there.  Colton lives on the sofa, neither him or his mother work or attend school.  He’s spiraling out of control and who knows what she’s doing about it.

She had the nerve the other day to ask John if the boys could live here for awhile so she could go out west to work … can you imagine that now??  I’m not sure what kind of mansion she thinks we’re living in down here – but there is no way in hell I’m bringing that boy back into this house to live.  Now we have no room and we can’t afford two more mouths to feed.  I raised my girls for 13 years by myself and we did fine.  I’m back to school now, John’s waiting for knee surgery and we don’t have the time or resources to take either child – although, I’d take Tim in a heartbeat, but the timing is off.  John and I have discussed it and a better time for us to take Tim would be next fall at the earliest, so I guess Colton and his mother are just going to have to get off their asses and go out and find jobs.  John has one good limb left and he’s working 40+ hours a week, there is no reason why they can’t do the same!

For the rest of the summer, we attended racing, camping and more camping.  Colton has been here twice since the day John booted his butt out the door – but it’s not the same – John is still very angry with Colton and quite disappointed he won’t do anything productive to better his life.  I told John we did the best that we could for someone who didn’t want to do anything.  We got him into counseling, took him to potential job prospects, and provided him with the basic needs to live – sometimes even handing him money (against my better judgement) – and that was how we were thanked.  I’m thinking it’ll only be a matter of time before Colton stops coming – his mother won’t let him in the house when it’s ‘his father’s weekend’ – I know, the child is seventeen, you’d think he’d be allowed to make his own choice.  So he’s forced to visit just like he was forced to live here – neither works – he didn’t like living here and I know he’s uncomfortable on his weekends here – just like we all are.

We never did find Allison’s necklace – I bought her a new pendant similar to the one that went ‘missing’.

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