Remembering “The Talk”

It’s the end of yet another week.  It was Father’s Day weekend and John was away.  I think it was a little difficult on Colton because he doesn’t really think of his mother’s boyfriend like a father figure – he’s kind of mean to him – or at least he was when he lived there.  Colton spent the night last night at his mother’s, Amy was at a friend’s house for the night and Allison and I spent the night at home.  She took me to a movie – “That’s My Boy” – with Adam Sandler in it.  When I told her that sounded like a funny movie but it was rated 18+ she reminded me she was eighteen!  I thought to myself, ‘oh dear, I have to sit through a movie with sex and naked bodies with my first born’ – because I knew that’s what it’d be like.  I was right.  The naked bodies didn’t bother me, it was the sexual stuff .. and I mean like really weird and well, “stuff” that made me a little uncomfortable.

I always thought when my kids were younger that I’d be very open when it came to talking about sex, drugs and stuff.  The drugs is easy, the drinking is easy, the sex stuff actually turned out to be a little bit uncomfortable.  For the first time in my life, I didn’t know what to say.  I had the conversation in my head for literally years.  I really don’t remember ma telling me anything.  I remember when I was fifteen, this ‘summer romance’ I had asked me to have sex with him (how romantic, I know).  I went to my mother and told her.  She sat me down and told me I should have sex with the man with whom I can see myself spending the rest of my life with. I don’t know why, but he wasn’t it.  I am SO glad I didn’t.

The conversations I had with both girls about their first period wasn’t too bad – I was single with them since they were two and four so for most of their lives they followed me to the bathroom.  I explained a lot of stuff to them very early in their lives.  “The talk” thought proved to be so difficult.  When I first approached Allison about going on the pill she flat out refused to take it.  She was seventeen years old and spending time with guys so I felt maybe it was time to have that talk.  People tell me girls these days are having sex so early now.  I didn’t want to believe it was either of mine.  We talked about it and I explained to her that she doesn’t want to be a mother – not now – it’s too early.  She assured me she wasn’t “doing anything”.  I believed her.  Six months later, we’d entertain this conversation again when she started dating this boy.  I could tell she was falling for this guy and spending lots of time with him so it was definitely a time to convince her to take the pill.  It worked.

So, I had one on the pill and I had to work on my other daughter.  She’d be a little easier to convince due to the fact that she had horrible menstrual cycles.  All I had to do to convince her was to tell her it would regulate her periods and there’d be no more guessing, plus it would make them not so heavy.  It worked.  At fifteen, I had my youngest on the pill.  For some reason though, I didn’t feel like I needed to have ‘the talk’ just yet.  She is so head strong that I think it would take some pretty special guy that she would really have to connect with, to let him touch her.  She’s like me, in that way.  It took me a very long time to trust someone enough to allow him to touch me.  She’ll do the touchy feely thing, but I don’t think it’s going to be easy for any guy to get to home base with Amy.

The two of them are so different, I think when it comes to boys.  Please don’t get me wrong,  Allison is very emotional and will fall quickly into love – Amy, on the other hand, is still trying to figure out what kind of person is right for her.  I think once she figures that out and is comfortable with a boy, then she might allow herself to feel connected.  Remember the “popular” boy a few posts back … he wasn’t for her … she knew that, although she tried to make him be “the one for her” because of his popularity.  I’m glad that she put up that wall because it wasn’t true to who she is.  I’m confident enough to know she has her shit together and when she’s ready and is with the right person, it’ll happen.  I just hope it’s in another few years because I’m not ready to have that talk again .. especially to my baby .. but if she needs to talk about it, I’m definitely going to be here and although I may think I know what I’m going to say … chances are, it’s going to come out all wrong … isn’t there a book for this??

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2 thoughts on “Remembering “The Talk”

  1. Ya know? Come to think about it, I never had a single talk about anything with my parents. My parents were the ones to shove condoms in my face and leave it at that. I think they were scared when in reality no one has to be scared talking about it. Especially since everyone does it at some point in there life. “The talks” I wish I had. Just someone to explain to me what was going to happen. I was as paranoid as the next teenage girl but no one ever told me what happened. That would’ve been nice to hear for me.

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    • Yeah, I was oblivious to a lot of things as well. Everything I learned was either from school, friends or tv. It’s not a very easy topic to talk about – even though you promise yourself to talk a lot to your kids about sex in the hopes that they have a very safe, enjoyable experience. It’s sometimes very difficult to distinguish WHEN to talk about it. By the time you think it’s that time, it’s too late.
      By the way – I had NO idea what was going to happen when I lost my virginity … it was frightening .. I had NO idea what was happening when I started my period – it was explained to me after the fact – would have been nice to know before hand.

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