Graduation; that bitter sweet time of year

Hi,

I’m back.  I probably should start being more consistent with my blog, but some nights I’m just so tired.  I don’t know if it’s because I get writer’s block or I have so much to talk about I’m not sure where to begin.  Maybe I’m scared if I do say something it might come back and bite me in the ass.

In any case, I’m here now and I’m in a writing mood.  John just fell asleep beside me, he worked late so I don’t even think his head hit the pillow and his level of breathing went into a state of sleep mode.  Colton is ‘out for a drive’ with a friend of his – I’m assuming he’s still apart from that girl, but according to her Twitter they are very much still in love.  Not sure how much truth is in Twitter, but it doesn’t take me long to find out things because of it.  My girls are in their rooms getting somewhat ready for exams.

It’s nearly the end of the school year.  Amy is going to go for her last day tomorrow because she tells me next week is “review” week.  I don’t know, but in my day, we loved review week – we got a lot of hints about the exams the following week and my God, I needed all the help I could get!  She’ll be changing schools in the fall due to her inability to fit in with the ‘preppy’ kind of school.  She’s coming back to the ‘city’ school with her city friends. I’m pretty positive about this move.

And Allison – graduating.  Yup, my first born is graduating high school in three weeks.  It’s going to be a very bitter sweet day for me. I will have to make sure I bring enough tissue for the whole ceremony.  I’m pretty certain I’m going to feel the same about her last day of school as I did about her first day of school.  I know I haven’t spoken much about Allison, but she’s 18 years old now and pretty much a grown woman.  That’s not to say she hasn’t had her share of problems along the way.  She’s an extremely sensitive girl and has been so all of her life.  She was VERY sad when her dad and I split up – she would always ask if he could come back and live with us.  To this day, she still very much worries about him and I really wish she wouldn’t.  I try to tell her that he’s a grown man and can take care of himself.  Allison feels much guilty if she doesn’t see him every other weekend … Amy just takes it in stride and figures, ‘next time’.  I think that’s a great attitude because they can’t put their lives on hold just for him.  He’s always made an effort to spend time with the girls … when he wasn’t “sick”.  I’ll save that for another post.

Looking back at Allison and growing up, she always had friends.  She was “popular” in her younger grades and everyone wanted to play with her, sleepover her house, or come over to play.  Out of her friends, she would always have the best parties – shortly after New Years, so they were all just getting back into school after the Christmas break and it’d be party time.  A much easier task than when Amy was growing up – her birthday is in mid-summer so all of her friends were gone to their cottages, or on vacations.  It was SO hard for her to plan a party and have everyone attend.

I remember a scary moment in Allison’s life when we were in Ontario and we were celebrating Amy and her then ‘step siblings’ birthdays.  They were all in and around the same week.  Everyone was in the room with the pool table and I was in the kitchen with my then boyfriend.  Allison was six years old.  I told her not to be bouncing on the office chair in the room.  She wouldn’t listen.  I don’t even think it was ten minutes later and I heard this huge “thud!” and then nothing.  Allison came running to the kitchen with her front tooth in her hand and a huge hole in her mouth!  I could not believe it.  While bouncing on the chair she toppled it over and kissed the hardwood floor with her mouth – actually, it was more like she bit the floor with her teeth.  When she pulled herself to get back up, one of her front teeth got stuck in the floor and the other one shifted a bit.  For that very moment in time, I had absolutely no idea what to do for my child.  I cradled her in my arms and she cried and looked up at me and I’ll never forget what she said to me, “mom, now I’m going to be ugly!”.  I wanted to go back in time about 20 minutes and pretend like this never happened.  I assured her she would never be ugly, but that would prove to be much easier said than done.

For the next twelve years it was back and forth to dentists and surgeons.  Our final quest was to try and get an implant in her mouth and for two years we struggled to make that happen but for some reason it just didn’t want to work.  At age 18 she has a gorgeous smile and one would never know what she had to go through to keep it like that. Her goal was to have her mouth fixed by the time she graduated and she has reached that goal.

She has reached a lot of goals.  She wanted a scholarship to university and by the grace of God she got one.  A full scholarship to Cape Breton University – it might not be the most prestigious college around, but it’s at home and that’s exactly where I’d like my children to be … home.  I know, I know, everyone always complains about trying to get rid of their kids and how they can’t wait until the move out – I honestly have no idea what will become of me if my girls move away.  John’s scared I’ll become like one of those hoarders you see on tv .. haha … and maybe he’s right, but I don’t think my OCD will allow it – I have a panic attack if someone knocks the sofa pillow on the floor, I can’t imagine becoming a hoarder!

In two more years, Amy will graduate … wow, would you believe I just got speechless??  The thought of my baby graduating has brought me to silence.  I really don’t think I’m a good candidate for this “empty nest” stuff. Is it really all that it’s cracked up to be?  I can’t see it …