Be Careful What You Wish For

I haven’t really decided what I wanted to write tonight so I thought I’d just open the laptop, log in and just start clicking the buttons.  Normally when I do that, I can’t stop.  It feels good to write – I’m not really too sure why, it just does.

I’m sitting in my bed, Amy and John in the living room watching tv and Allison is working late tonight and Colton is with his girlfriend.  Tim went home this evening after his mother returned from her two day trip to see a sick relative.  He was happy to be going home to sleep in his own bed – told me he had a great two days.  The past couple of days have been so incredibly busy, I feel guilty saying I’m glad he went home this evening.  I feel even more guilty saying I can’t wait for this weekend – Colton is suppose to be going to his mother’s and the girls are off to their dad’s.  I believe for at least an hour I might be alone … and then for the night Friday and all day Saturday, it’s just going to be John and I.  It’s been so long since we’ve been kidless I wonder how it’ll feel.  I’m thinking wonderful.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, I love having the gang around, but life has been so crazy lately, I can’t wait to have some time to ourselves.

I remember when I first got married – not to John – I wanted to have 4 kids.  My then husband just wanted one.  It was very hard to convince him to have a second child.  I’m so glad he agreed.  He was scared he wouldn’t have enough love for a second child because he loved the first one so much.  Silly man.  We were 8 months trying to have Amy and she was very much worth every second!  She was only 2 years old when we split up.  My dreams of having two more children were kind of shot out the window at that time.  It was just Allison, Amy and myself – they were 2 and 4 years old.  Their father was a binge drinker and I got tired of taking care of him.  It was time to take care of myself.  My girls and I grew very close over the course of many years.  I was in and out of a bad relationship after my ex husband and then 7 years past by before I met John.  The girls didn’t know how it was to live with someone else because for those years it was just them and me.

We did everything together.  I’d leave work just to attend their science fairs, school concerts, field trips, etc.  Work was second to my girls’ activities.  I didn’t want my child to be the one at a school function without a parent in the audience.  Their father was also pretty good to attend these things, although he doesn’t drive anymore – but I have to give him kudos for showing up.

I still attend school functions, and their father still tries to find his way as well.  I have traveled with their sports teams all over the province.  Allison is graduating high school this year, Colton doesn’t attend school (that’s a whole different post!), and Amy has two years left.  I guess once school is done, my travel days are over when it comes to field trips and sports events.  There will be no more skipping work to pick someone up at school, no more booking hotels close to the sports arena, and no more rushing to get them to their event on time.  I loved watching my girls excel in school and sports – I’m certainly going to miss that – I guess in another couple of years, that chapter of my life with my kids is going to end.  I’m very proud at what they have accomplished so it’s going to be bitter sweet.

I’m not sure where I was going with this conversation, but Colton just arrived home and I’m really tired now.  It’s been a long week so I think I’ll lay my head and wait for Allison to get home from work.

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