A Greater Appreciation for Life

Wow, it’s been awhile since I posted – sorry about that.  As you can imagine, a houseful of kids means never knowing when you’re going to get a minute to yourself.  Although the house is full of kids tonight, I thought I’d sneak away into my room and do some writing.

John is downstairs with Colton finishing off his bedroom.  Amy, Allison and Tim are in the living room watching television.  We have Tim for a few days while his mother is out of town due to a terminally ill relative.  It wonders me why his mother didn’t offer to take Colton – I initially asked this question and her reply was that there was no room for him.  After the week he’s been having, I would have made room (perhaps leaving the boyfriend home and taking her own child) – but that’s just me.

It’s been a very emotional week – like a roller coaster actually.  It started over the weekend when Colton came to us looking for some money.  John and I discussed that it wasn’t a good idea to be handing him over any money – he’s not in school and isn’t very motivated to go job hunting.  I wouldn’t even go job hunting if I had people handing me money whenever I needed it.  So when we said no to him and actually meant it – out of guilt, John will often times give in and hand him some change – Colton wasn’t too happy.  He stomped out of here pretty angry, slamming doors and the back yard gate – cursing. When he was with his mother his temper tantrums always got him what he wanted because she was afraid of his anger – we’re not.

He must have spoke to his mother because about a half hour later, she called asking us why we didn’t give him any money – we explained why and her biggest worry was it was going to backfire on us.  I’m thinking how the hell will it backfire??  Maybe he’ll be so pissed he’ll go get a job!  She thought he might start stealing – oh well, then he’ll land in jail where he can live for free.  I’m willing to take my chances on him stealing because if I ever caught him he’d be one sorry kid.  I was worried about his emotions though – wasn’t sure how he was going to handle tough love – he’s never had it before.  My thoughts went to those two boys who lost their lives and I was scared he might do something stupid.  His curfew is midnight and I also worried about whether or not he’d come home before then – and prayed to God for his safe return.  It was 11:40 pm and I could hear sirens wailing up the road over and over – my heart in the pit of my stomach.  I began to text him – 3 different times, but never sent them – and then I hear him entering the gate.  I quietly placed my phone next to my bed and went to sleep.  My children were once again safe and sound.

The following day was tense – Colton didn’t speak to me for most of it.  I’m sure he blames me because he had no problems talking to his father.  When I first got up, I noticed that during his little temper tantrum last night he threw his pizza against the wall before stomping out of the house – I showed this to John and reminded him that this type of behavior isn’t to be rewarded with money.  He held onto my logic and hasn’t given Colton any money.  He also made him clean up his mess from the night before.  While hanging out on the step with John and I – things still a little tense – he made the following comment, “I hate doing nothing for nothing”.  I’m thinking, “ha, my plan worked”. John said, “Oh, you love us” – Colton’s return was ‘sometimes’ – I told him, ‘well, we love you all the time’ … he laughed and bowed his head down in embarrassment.

Over the course of the weekend though, one of his friends father passed away suddenly so Colton spent some time down with his friend.  When he returned home, he came into my room where I was sitting here watching some television and gave me the biggest hug.  I think he has a whole new outlook on his own life and of those around him … maybe even a greater appreciation for it … I hope.






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